Tuesday, March 07, 2006

V for Very Slow

Around here the veterans can get special license plates to celebrate what they did for our country and I agree with that. Unfortunately most veterans are old and that means they drive like they are piloting their model "T" around bumfuck nowhere in their small town driving style. These license plates have the ability to let you know when you won't be going anywhere fast. I'm glad that you are retired and fought in WWII so now you have all the time in the world, too bad I don't. I'm not retired, I have places to go, people to see and things to do and I would like to get their some time this week. Why would I say these things?

Well tonight I think all the stupid useless drivers in Saskatoon saved it all up and unleashed the fury on me in one night. Yes I am an aggressive driver but you know what? I follow the f*#$ing rules. I am not a left lane hog, I've mastered the art of signaling to lane change and I can even shoulder check. I know these are all very difficult ideas and they are even harder to implement but they are important. I don't understand how people can drive without knowing simple things like "slower traffic keep right" and that the person on your right has the right of way at a stop sign. You did learn these at one time and you have been driving ever since you learned them but for some reason most people chose to forget these simple rules.

It all started with a van that was lane challenged. I realize in winter it can be hard to find the lanes but when there are four defined tracks it should be easy to figure out. The solution is NOT to just pick two tracks and drive in them. It just happens to work out that the left track of the right lane and the right track of the left lane line up to your van but that does not mean you are in a lane. Did you fail to notice the two people side by side in your mirror? Why does it not click that something is wrong? Kramer did not create extra wide lanes just for you. You are a moron.

Ok the van is gone and I want to go home but OH NO! There are some puddles. I agree it is a rather large puddle but it doesn't come into your lane and its a freakin puddle not a fjord. You don't have to idle through it at 30 in a 70 zone. Speed the hell up. Alright past that guy lets roll.... o wait I can't. There is a left lane hog ahead. What do you think "slower traffic keep right" means? I think it means unless you are going the speed limit get in the right lane. Do you? Nope, you shadow the slow ass in the right lane so no one can do the speed limit. Why do you do this? I have no clue, maybe its the puddles but it sure as hell isn't slippery out anymore, all the ice melted. Breath, count to 10, you're almost home.

Is that Santa Fe driver outside his SUV at a green light? Yep he sure is and who knows what he is doing. Perhaps he had to rub a quick one out before he could continue. Maybe he is broken down, oops maybe not. He found the right shade of green and decided to go just in time to hold me out of the lane so I would miss my turn. No problem I can turn at the next street. Sweet merciful crap, a veteran plate! Well now I'm stuck doing 15 below the speed limit for the next couple of blocks. Here comes my turn and oh no he is turning to, well I'll go to the next turn and still get home faster. Second last turn before home and.... some jackass decides to do a U-turn right infront of me. It looked like he was parallel parking but nope he was just waiting for me to get there so he can block the whole effing street and make me stop. I swear if I had my truck he would have got 5000 pounds of Dodge in his drivers side door. So while swearing and flipping the guy off, he is yelling at me. Yep I'm in the wrong with my dreams of driving in a straight line on a straight road. Obviously he had the right of way with his illegal U-turn. Yay I got home. What an adventure.

I wish we had better driver training, or even cops that gave a shit about traffic rules. I realize that a murder will get your name in the paper but did you think that car crashes kill four and a half times as many people as murder?

Statistics show that 2,730 Canadians died in traffic accidents in 2004, compared to 622 who were the victims of homicides, The Globe and Mail reports.


Who cares about the 16 year old girl who kills a whole family because she is inexperienced, homicides are exciting. They get your name in the paper and advance your career. Forget that a blind one armed retarded monkey could get his license in this province. There is no driver training here. You get 4 in car sessions with an instructor, totaling 4 hours, and you have to do a 15 minute road test. 5 rights, 5 lefts, a couple lane changes and a parallel park and your a driver! That's it, no real show of skill, just $22 and some of that elusive common sense and you can pilot a 3000 lbs weapon of mass destruction around with no fear of any further testing or reinforcing of your skills.

They wonder why road rage is becoming a problem
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