Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I don't wanna move out

So its begun, Lindsay and I are going to go look at an apartment tomorrow. I can't say that I share her excitement about moving out. She can't wait to get out because her family pisses her off. I think she's being a little hard on them but then I don't have to live with them. I on the other hand don't see the things that I am gaining by moving out, all I see are the things that I am losing. I won't have a back yard to have a fire in, I won't have my dog to play with and I won't have my garden to go putter in. I am not excited I am sad. I won't have a drive way to park in, I'll have a parking space with morons on either side of me. I won't be able to sit in the back yard and read, I'll have a noisy balcony at best. I'm not looking forward to this, I'm looking down on it.

Perhaps I am being too negative about this, but I am having problems finding the positives. I'm going from coasting through to having to make an active effort to live. No more free cable and meals made for me. I'll have to pay for everything now and Lindsay doesn't cook. I'm going to have to learn to share a living space with someone instead of merely existing in the same house with another person.

I think my biggest problem is that I am scared. Scared of change, scared of the new and uncharted. Maybe these are just excuses because I am scared. Maybe they aren't.

Well we'll see how it goes tomorrow when I push off in search of India.
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