Dumb customers

I used to work in a retail computer department and I thought I would share some customer stories of mine. We would get lots of dumb customers, I don't mean the people who didn't know computers but the people with a complete lack of common sense. I posted these at a friends forum but I thought I would share them here.

1.
"My ink cartridge is empty", Customer
"Ok, they do that", Me
"The package says its good until October (six months away)", Customer
"Thats the expiry date", Me
(insert 10 minute explanation of expiry dates)

2.
"My mouse doesn't work" Customer
"Ok, is it wired or wireless" Me
"Its wireless and neither one is working", Customer
"You mean your old one isn't working?" Me
"No, neither one in the box is" Customer

Basically he thought the wireless reciever was a mouse because it had a button on it. He absolutely refused to read the manual. I tried to direct the conversation there a few times and every time I did he would change the subject to some other trouble shooting step he had tried. If he would have read the manual he would have known to push the connect buttons but instead I had him yelling at me for 10 minutes about his new mouse that didn't work. FINALLY I got him to look for the buttons and push them and his mouse was suddenly fixed.

3.
Customers don't read anything. A woman came to the counter with some CD's. So I ring them in and the copy levy shows up on the screen. By now I expected everyone to know about that but she didn't and she's mad. She thinks I'm trying to pull the wool over her eye's and gets quite mad about it. I try to explain to her what its about and she snaps at me that we should have a sign about it. Ok lady I'm tired of your crap.

"Oh you mean like this big sign beside you on the wall? Or the 6 little signs on the shelf? You had to move one of them to get these CD's"

"Um.. oh I... ok." She said really sheepishly and just left.

4. My personal favorite

Guy comes in and is already yelling at me before I get over there. His new scanner doesn't work. It never worked right out of the box. He's spent 5 days trying to figure it out. He's had his IT friend over (never a good sign) and even he can't figure it out. They've been on HP's website and tried all the tests on there. It just makes noise but the scan head doesn't move. He's getting really mad because I want to look at it. What could I possibly know that he and his IT bigshot friend don't know. Blah blah whaa whaa fuck this screw that I'm a moron yadda yadda yadda. I'm getting ready to shove this scanner up his ass so I grab it from him flip it over and flip the lock switch on the bottom. I plug it in and it works first try. I've never seen someone go from red faced mad to suck my balls sorry so fast. I ask him did he not see the giant yellow sticker that actually holds the lid shut that tells him to unlock the scanner. "I uh must have missed that one". He then asks me not to tell anyone because it is so embarrasing. I've been telling everyone.